i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
