Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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