yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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