In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
