my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
