JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
