My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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