hotel room ftw
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
