He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
