i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you made out with another girl for some wings
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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