The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.