i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.