if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.