You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
