I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.