Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over

(314): View more from Missouri

you can't hurt those

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(352): View more from Florida

She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.

(770): View more from Georgia

That's the only definition of lonely that I know.

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(407): View more from Florida

Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.

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(407): View more from Florida

My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it

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(615): View more from Tennessee

At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging

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