If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
