I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.