the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
