I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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