so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
