I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think people are normalizing furries
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
