yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
