im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
