I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
