Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Say something about gay babies.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
