i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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