His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
