I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
