I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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