I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
