Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
