i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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