God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dicks are not precious.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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