Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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