just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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