I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
