i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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