I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
