TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
