Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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