u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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