he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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