sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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