ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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