i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
