your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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