cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
