An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm passing your future prison.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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