never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
