The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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