I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
