yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
