Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
