my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had to cum in my sink.
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