she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
