Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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