Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
