I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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