im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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