haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
