I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
