Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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