another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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