We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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