The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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