I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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