I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
