Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
only if we run a train.
done.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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