I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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