just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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