i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize