There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
