so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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