I cannot find my penis.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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