so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
